Saturday, February 21, 2009

Why am I the only one laughing?

Being a barista is much like being a bar-tender. We get to interact with hundreds of people each day as they rely on us to feed their addictions. Because this task can get a bit monotynous, I try to vary my conversations and comments with everyone and I see my job as a mix between being a source of encouragement and joy for people and, of course, as being a source of pure comedic bliss.
Because I tend to have a dry sense of humor I often find myself as the only one laughing... which is fine as long as I am still laughing.

So this week I bring you some of my own favorite jokes from this week that only drew blank stares from the coffee junkies.

Scenario: (A public bus driver comes in and asks to exchange a dollar bill for 4 quarters).
Me: "Do you need quarters for bus money?"
Bus Driver: Says nothing while staring blankly, then he walks away.

Scenario: (Uptight woman comes in and orders a coffee and asks if it is fresh).
Me: "It was fresh last night when we brewed it but it is still hot so it should be fine".
Uptight Woman: Says nothing while staring blankly. She then walks away with her FRESH coffee.

Scenario: (Woman asks why she should register her Starbucks card online).
Me: Because it activates the card's GPS and we will know when you go into competing coffee shops.
Woman: "I don't go into other shops".
Me: Good.

Scenario: (Woman comes in and asks if the Berry-Chai Infusion is good).
Me: "It is if you like the flavor of toothpaste after drinking grapefruit juice"
Woman: "I don't think I have ever done that"
Me: "Then you should have a White Mocha".

Scenario: (A Regular comes in after a long absence from our store and confesses that she has been going to other coffee shops).
Regular: " I'm sorry, I feel like I have been cheating on you guys."
Me: " As long as the stores were in a different area code it doesn't count."
Regular: Stares blankly then says, "Don't worry, it won't happen again".
Me: "That's what they all say."

Scenario: (A guest with a thick Italian accent comes in who says he was one of our first customers in our store 15 years ago).
Me: "We know, we still have your picture hanging above the toilet".
Italian Man: Laughs boisterously.
Me: "I love Italians".


Anonymous said...


Very good, bro, very good. My humor has not attained to your level, yet. But, I'm working on it here and there on my ten minute breaks.

Here's one I do when in the drive-thru:

Scenario: customer is taking longer than usual to decide what they want.
Customer: Hold on just a moment, I'm trying to decide
Me: No problem. Take your time. I get paid by the hour.

Depending on what time of day it is, that usually gets a few laughs.

Sara said...

I am laughing Ryan - I think you are hilarious. :)

patricia said...


Kevin said...


Ryan- I had a rough day today and took a break to read. Man you made my day better. What a great and funny post. I haven't laughed out loud from a blog this much in a while.

Please continue to record these interactions!

Josh said...

Hahaha I miss hearing you say things like this

Mike said...

It's all fun and games until the caffeine raged O.C. wife cuts you with a broken coffee mug.