Being a barista is much like being a bar-tender. We get to interact with hundreds of people each day as they rely on us to feed their addictions. Because this task can get a bit monotynous, I try to vary my conversations and comments with everyone and I see my job as a mix between being a source of encouragement and joy for people and, of course, as being a source of pure comedic bliss.
Because I tend to have a dry sense of humor I often find myself as the only one laughing... which is fine as long as I am still laughing.
So this week I bring you some of my own favorite jokes from this week that only drew blank stares from the coffee junkies.
Scenario: (A public bus driver comes in and asks to exchange a dollar bill for 4 quarters).
Me: "Do you need quarters for bus money?"
Bus Driver: Says nothing while staring blankly, then he walks away.
Scenario: (Uptight woman comes in and orders a coffee and asks if it is fresh).
Me: "It was fresh last night when we brewed it but it is still hot so it should be fine".
Uptight Woman: Says nothing while staring blankly. She then walks away with her FRESH coffee.
Scenario: (Woman asks why she should register her Starbucks card online).
Me: Because it activates the card's GPS and we will know when you go into competing coffee shops.
Woman: "I don't go into other shops".
Scenario: (Woman comes in and asks if the Berry-Chai Infusion is good).
Me: "It is if you like the flavor of toothpaste after drinking grapefruit juice"
Woman: "I don't think I have ever done that"
Me: "Then you should have a White Mocha".
Scenario: (A Regular comes in after a long absence from our store and confesses that she has been going to other coffee shops).
Regular: " I'm sorry, I feel like I have been cheating on you guys."
Me: " As long as the stores were in a different area code it doesn't count."
Regular: Stares blankly then says, "Don't worry, it won't happen again".
Me: "That's what they all say."
Scenario: (A guest with a thick Italian accent comes in who says he was one of our first customers in our store 15 years ago).
Me: "We know, we still have your picture hanging above the toilet".
Italian Man: Laughs boisterously.
Me: "I love Italians".