A Cool Touch from the Throne

I begin this post with an apology for the deceptive nature of the title. Due to my current life circumstances one could assume that a "cool touch from the throne" is a comforting metaphor for the blessings that God brings when we need them most. Although I believe that God works in those ways and always appreciate His kind interactions and love poured out on me, the nature of this post is a bit more mundane and I am sorry to say, crude. With that said, I know that all of us from countries with modern plumbing can relate so I feel compelled to let you in on my journey.

Last night I had one of those great nights when whatever food I ate the proceeding day decided to sit and stir within me for a while. In fact, it was one of those nights where the food seemed to have no interest in succumbing to the whole digestion process and it preferred to sit in the pool just at the end of my throat. After plenty of trips outside of the country and many bouts with various parasites I have grown to accept these occasions and have even learned a few methods to cope. Even with the ability to cope, when my body seems set on a process of "upheaval" it never comes soon enough. What else (at least for males) can make the option of lying on a bathroom floor at all hours of the night more comforting than lying in a bed away from the bathroom? What else can cause one to tell God to "take me now and end my misery"? In these moments awaiting the whole upheaval process I find myself trying all kinds of techniques to speed the process and clear the holding tank of whatever is causing discomfort. But sometimes, the dry mouth and out of sync breathing must come in its own timing so my best efforts to speed the process are all in vain.

So I wait, I turn, I try to sleep, I feel my body grow warm, then cold, then sweat, and I just want to get this deed done. I reach over to the "porcelain throne" and press my head against its cheek seeking comfort in the coolness of its touch. Has it been cleaned recently? I hope so but at the moment that doesn't even matter. It is as Bill Cosby said, "At that moment the toilet bowl is the only one who understands". He will patiently wait for you and grant comfort in its perpetually cool sides.

Some nights when this happens, it all happens quickly and then everything is better, other times it takes several rounds before your body is finally satisfied. Then other times, like last night for me, your body is so conflicted over what to do that it simply stirs and causes discomfort until you drift off to sleep without ever purging of the offending foods. In these cases, I wake up the next morning hoping that I feel hunger so that I know that all systems are back on track. Today I was hungry so I cautiously ate some yogurt (I always eat something sweet if I think it will not stay down... it makes the whole experience much better) and I am happy to say that I seem back on track.

I stopped by the bathroom and whispered a little thanks to my faithful friend who understood my needs and offered comfort when I needed it. I hope I don't need his help again anytime soon but if I do, I know I can always count on his cool touch.